Monday, August 18, 2008

Question of the Week (8/18/08)

What if you had everything you want?

Sunday, August 10, 2008

Question of the Week (8/11/08)

Where do you find hope?

Fortune cookies.

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in slaa, a program where you hear people say i slept with 12 people yesterday, plus two dogs and a mule; and, i didn't break any bottom lines.

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I am hopeful sometimes, but I'm not sure where it comes from. From
logic, knowing that similar situations have worked out before?
Knowing I have been taken care of? Some natural tendency toward
optimism? A spiritual path and/or source? I dunno.

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I got into a car accident on Tuesday and almost died. I am lucky to be
alive, with only a broken leg. I find hope in every new day.

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In a cuddle from my cat. I'm totally not kidding.

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In an AA meeting

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burying faith

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talking to LOTS and LOTS of people

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Kids give me hope. They're not always great to be around, they're noisy and make messes, they clog up toilets and take all the cookies. But we've screwed things up so badly, the only hope civilization has is that our kids will do better than us. My God, if I didn't have hope in the next generation, I'd probably just jump off a cliff.

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In the voice of my mother telling me that everything's gonna be alright.

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Hope is dat t’ing weet fetters dat besmirches me ole soul . .

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it doesn't matter where or how small, just that i do.

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Most often, I find Hope curled up on my bed. This morning, however, I woke to find her lying on my head in an effort to wake me up and feed her.

Ya know, I didn’t actually name my cat Hope. That was her name when I adopted her, and she couldn’t have come at a better time because back then, I desperately needed…well…hope.

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Within

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in my Higher Power

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I'm not such a big fan of hope. Hope was the last to escape from Pandora's box. Most people think of of that as the fairy tale ending. I think it cemented the condition of human suffering. Most hope is delusional and simple-minded: I hope he comes back to me. I hope the lump goes away. I hope I lose weight. I hope I get the job. I hope she really means it this time. I hope he won't hit me again. I hope the hurricane won't strike New Orleans. I hope our President and religious leaders tell us the truth.

Hope is usually lazy.

I prefer to embrace reality, find motivation, and take action. Hope...that shit is for fairy tales.

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In the Light

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Harry Potter books

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Sometimes I think I find it in the aphorisms, experiences, and encouragements of others, whether it be my mom, a friend, or Oscar Wilde. "See, others have been there." But that kind of borrowed hope dissipates so easily. When I really think about it, I realize that there is more authentic hope to be had. I have noticed that when I do an outdoor activity, such as running or swimming, I fill up with this sense that everything is going to be all right. Not every time, but frequently enough to make me answer thusly: I find hope within myself.

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In the beginning of each new day. That's a much better place than it use to be (in a bottle, a BIG bottle, of wine).

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I used to find it in art and in little kids. Now I'm completely pessimistic and cynical: there is no hope; we fell asleep and totally fucked it up.

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during meditation

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in music. in people who have overcome difficult things.
cat power's maybe not is speaking to me lately.
"We all do what we can
So we can do just one more thing"....

maybe that line is more about motivation than hope, but having hope
gives me motivation to take action in my life.

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In humor, in stories, in relationships, in God, in nature, in people, in myself

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in the deepest moment of existence; when you watch someone dance for the first time and Hope to God that you don't hinder her. especially with the idea that i was a better enough dancer to then imagine some large dance floor and whether anyone else was thinking or conducting an image by which they fluxuated in their mood.

then i stop writing and join her . . .

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In others that share the same vision. Or others that don't, bnut are still willing to listen

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among friends
in prayer

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When I talk to other people. It comes from everywhere, sometimes I think it is all around me. It is so strong it is hard to be in its presense sometimes.

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in a flower garden; when I see a muni rider offer their seat to someone in need;
in any church or cathedral where candles are lit; when I count my money and review my finances via online banking........and ALWAYS when witnessing another
human being break thru their own self imposed bondage.....that is really something to see

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I don't generally find hope... when all else fails, it finds me.

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And mine...

In you.

Monday, August 4, 2008

Question of the Week (8/4/08)

This week's question.

Most waking hours.

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When I'm fearless.

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When tired, drunk, or trying to protect the ego.

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Whenever it comes to money. Foolish, foolish fool. Foolish, foolish, foolish, foolish fool.

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when I have a crush

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when I think I'm in love

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When I'm awake.

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I'm foolish in my sleep, foolish when I'm awake, foolish when I'm sober, DEFNITELY foolish when intoxicated, I'll probably die foolishly, and chances are my corpse will be doing foolish things until long after my decaying process has finished.

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Likely to be foolish when I am enjoying myself and have had too much
rum in too short of a time.

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When I overly defend my right to be right.
Oh......and.... within the first few days of receiving a financial windfall.

I try to remember the age old question: Would I rather be right or happy? It serves as a gentle attitude adjustment and, generally, keeps me safe from foolishness.

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When I've got a golf shot that has to carry 170 yards over water ... and I try it. FOOLISH
When I think I've got my golf swing problems figured out. FOOLISH
When I meet a nice looking single lady and think I'm a hunk. FOOLISH
When I expect the government to make wise decisions. FOOLISH
When I expect to hear the "issues" from McCain or Obama. FOOLISH

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When I am hungry, angry, lonely, or tired. Any one of these conditions individually is cause for a lapse in judgment, but in combination....hoooo laudy. Loneliness has led to my biggest lapses in judgment....lots of trying to make something out of nothing relationships and bending myself into a pretzel...which frequently led to lost sleep, hurt feelings, loss of appetite and cosmic foolishness.

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foolish playful or foolish like a damn fool shortsighted selfish...?
think foolish playful, then the opposite of that

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When I do not know all of the facts and then act upon on speculation.

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Always when it comes to romantic love..........

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Either in the presence of an attractive young woman or after two martinis. And you really don't want to be in the same room with me if there's a pretty woman and I've had two martinis.

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When I'm with my husbear! He makes me feel whimsical.

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When I have some extra money - it burns a hole in my pocket. I have to be especially careful right now because my mother's estate finally settled, and my portion is a nice "chunk of change". I have bills I want to pay-off, including a $2,000 loan from a sibling. I also want to "pay forward" $1,000 [a friend gave me that amount during a period of unemployment] and I have been waiting for this settlement in order to take that action - recipient already determined. The angel (on one shoulder) says to invest the rest; the devil (on the other shoulder) wants to SPEND, SPEND, SPEND!!!!

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During those hours between waking and sleeping: I'm never a fool when I'm asleep.

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When I'm hungry, angry, lonely, scared, or tired.

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when I am angry or running late. And after I have got paid.

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in conversation with someone I should be wary of but I've just had strong coffee and...oops, said too much

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every day, especially if I have just had a latte

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When I'm in the presence of certain men I find extremely attractive. I've gotten better over the years at controlling my behavior but every now and then I lose it and make a complete fool of myself.

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When I lose control. I can control my mind and my actions, my schedule and even my bad habits... But there's one thing I can't control. And that is my heart.

So when am I most likely to be foolish?

When I'm in love.

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When somebody has put you down in front of others.

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when I'm in love

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And mine...

My sister sent me a great birthday card once. On the front was a little girl covered in paint and beaming at the camera. The caption said: "You will do foolish things. But do them with enthusiasm."


This week's reminder.