Sunday, September 21, 2008

What would you rather have said?

No, I will not marry you.

??

you're right

??

I will say a good mental balance and weed, then ur great.

??

Nothing. I usually get myself in hot water.

??

i would rather have said that super cat was a newly guarded angel.

??

"I know I am Amma's baby!"

??

I forgive you...........

??

Your right, I'm wrong, here's your seven pounds, have a wonderful afternoon.

??

You cannot bring that beer into my house asshole

??

what rash?

??

I DON'T.

??

You self aggrandizing mother-fucker. I don't care who you are or what you have. How do you sleep knowing that you treated us that way?

??

Less. Much less, much more often.

??

Come with me.

??

Nothing! Restraint of tonge and pen keeps me out of so much danger, but my ego sometimes gets the better of me.

??

no

??

Not between my legs. That's a hard limit.

??

GO to hell.
Stop being so self fish.
Get over yourself.
Fuck off.

??

Nothing. I should have kept my big mouth shut.

??

Is there anything else you wanted to talk about?

??

It was a phone conversation, and I would have like to have said: “I had no idea that anyone, anywhere, could say anything so cruel, let alone you.” But I was so stung by his words that my eyes welled up and I was shocked into breathless silence.

??

usually, when i think about it, i wish i'd said nothing.

??

Why don't you love me like the other children?

??

I'd rather have said nothing at all - at least not until I had my own
thoughts sorted out. Sometimes silence seems more compassionate than
anything I could say.

??

I wish I had said, "No thank you, I don't want to try any cocaine."

??

Let's take some time to think about it, then maybe we can work it out.

??

I wish I had just said "no"!

??

And mine...

So often when I smile and laugh, that is the best response. Tonight, after I went up the steps from the BART platform, so I could throw away some trash and go right back down to the platform, I participated in the following exchange:

"You were just up there."

"Yes I was."

"Why are you down here?"

That's when I laughed. He was drunk.

Sunday, September 14, 2008

What helps?

Prayer, Expressions of Gratitude, Expressions of Creativity, Boundaries, Action, Asking For Help, Exercising the Body, and Exercising the Right To Change My Mind!..........oh and always and forever....SLEEP! AND HELPING OTHERS / SERVICE

??

Pausing.

??

what helps is knowing that somewhere, way above the sky, i'm staring down at myself and wondering when i'll finally figure it out.

??

Prayer....talking with a friend....a nap......peanut butter...

??

A good night's sleep
20 minutes in the hot tub
A genuinely nutritious meal
Cuddle time with husband man
Seeing and interacting with my grandbabies
Hot sweaty exercise (to include sex)
Time in the mountains or on the beach (isolated one)
In really tough times, horseback riding is my best medicine.

??

Sleep

??

breathing, taking time,not spinning

??

This helps:

1. Putting ice directly on it as soon as you can
2. Psychotherapy
3. Turning the heat down just before you put the turkey in the frying pan
4. Voting for Obama

To deal with:
1. A black eye
2. Grief
3. Breaded and fried turkey cutlets
4. The trainwreck of our economy after 8 years of Bush

??

caffeine.

??

Acceptance, baby steps, exercise, meditation, coffee.

??

Time and sex and there's never enough of either.

??

More sleep
Yoga in the morning
Cooking all meals at home
Being ultra thrifty
Hiking/running
Music
Gardening
Cooperative children
Appreciation
Humor
Friendships
Being content/grateful for what you have

??

turning it over...and over, and over, and over....

??

sleep, hugs, love and a good listener

??

Hearing "Thank You" ... that helps

??

snuggling, sex, chocolate, ice cream, cheap mexican food, breathing, sleep, dreaming, beauty, music, praying, meetings, art, writing, san francisco, friends, exes, good food, battlestar galactica, heroes, my new apt, biking, talking about snowboarding, tattoos, talking about my next tattoo, skin, hair, clothes, the studio, work in a sense, the internet unfortunately....

??

sleep, chocolate, smoking, internet, meetings, friends, new anything etc... indulging in all and more due to recent obsession and unanticipated romantic pain.

??

The love of my partner, mother, and a pint of Chubby hubby ice cream.

??

A hot bubble bath, a good cry, a funny movie, conversation with someone who really cares, and when all else fails, the steps.......

??

When I need guidance, I take a breath and ask myself yes or no questions. If I get a calm, simple 'yes' or 'no' right away with no explanation, that is always the right answer. When I don't get a clear answer or the answer seems hurried and fear-based ('yes, you have to do this or else...', etc.), I ask a different question or re-ask the question in different words. Someone taught me this a few years ago and now I don't know how I got by so many years without it.

??

Love

??

you do

??

chocolate milk

deep breath

sex

putting yourself out there with confidence and kindness and humility and pride.

??

Talking to a friend, kitty love, prayer, working out, a cathartic beating from a loved one, and my teddy bear.

??

Honesty. Laugh, cry, bluster or be quiet as needed.

??

asking, kindness, vitamins, dental floss, antibiotic ointment, band-aids, the Red Cross, Amnesty International, Habitat for Humanity et al., getting enough sleep, money, lipstick, good music, good art, laughter, mosturizer, hot tubs, sleepytime tea, chocolate, peace,friends and family

??

Heat
Stretching
Breathing
Sleep
(and occasionally Aleve
or bourbon)

??

Maintaining my daily routine of self-care--eating meals on time, eating appropriately, getting enough sleep, prayer, meditation, chanting my mantra, yoga, meetings, service, writing.

??

Breathing through my vagina.

??

ASKING. ACCEPTING. HELPING OTHERS.

??

Staying focused and remembering always that I am loved as much as I love others.
Playing guitar and riding my Harley are also nice and benevolent distractions.

??

Sensible shoes.

??

And mine...

Laughing at myself; knowing what I am here to do (love and be of service); cuddling with an ex; trying to make the front of my face vibrate when I sing

How often do you talk about politics?

(Question of the Week 9/7/08)

Very rarely. When I express an opinion different from those of others, all I get is a lot of anger directed at me. I'm all for differing opinions, and I'm not going to become upset and start yelling at someone who feels differently than I. But I don't get the same respect in return, so I prefer not to say anything at all. I don't mind a respectful debate, but when someone refuses to listen to my side, after I've heard theirs, why would I want to bother?

??

With the exception of the following paragraph, I talk about politics about once every 4 years. I utter maybe one sentence about my views and then I , generally, ask a few (no more than 3) questions as to why someone likes/ dislikes a particular candidate. I am not really interested in discussions about our nation's 2 party system that overlooks the issues most dear to my heart (uh, can we say civil rights for all!?). I always vote but cannot be bothered to discuss a topic that I consider fodder for the masses. Discussing politics is disruptive to my nervous system. The way I lead my life and the integrity I strive to demonstrate is my greatest political statement. Most matters of politics and world affairs I discuss privately with god in my prayers & meditations. Peace to all living things.

??

Not as much as I'd like. I don't discuss politics too much with my
friends, because while I do enjoy a good political debate, I hate to
argue too much and I'm afraid of alienating people. I know my friends'
views and they know mine. We share our feelings on politics
occasionally, but we never try to sell a candidate or a ballot
proposal to each other.

I don't talk about politics much with the love of my life because he's
pretty apathetic. I'm thinking he'll care more when the fact that, as
two men, we aren't equal in the eyes of the law to, say, my parents,
really hits him. We'll see though. I could see it either way, maybe we
get married and he doesn't care because really all that matters is
that we have each other, or maybe we get married and he gets really
pissed at the status quo.

??

just about everyday

??

Very little......I find it very personal and can't deal with some of the drama it can evoke...

??

Pretty frequently these days. Not constantly but many conversations every day.

??

Every single day...several times a day. I live in the DC area. It's what we do.

??

I can't stop myself. I'm not obsessed, but the current election is just so vitally important that I'm compelled to talk about it frequently, several times a day usually.

??

I talk about it more than ever since one roommate is voting for McCain just to be a jerk and the other simply "can't see the difference between the two".

??

lately, several times a day.

??

everything is political. So, I guess that means my answer is, "everytime i speak!"

??

As seldom as is humanely possible, given the times. Usually, when someone mentions the word "politic" (or some variant), I check my pockets to see who is trying to pick them. But given the precarious state of the world, and the political choice before us, I find myself more engaged politically than is my wont. Deep down I believe that all politicians are tranvestite whores (and for that I apologize to the geniuine transvestite whores of the world).

??

ALOT! I recently started writing letters to my local NYC newspaper and they've printed two. I'm just about to write another one as well! Its hard when people you love don't agree with you politically, especially because they vote with emotion for the familiar without checking out the facts about candidates. Which just pisses me off. With so much at stake its not a time to get nostalgic, its time to really THINK about what the future of the country should look like. Palin would have us back in the dark ages as all the other industrialized countries move into the future. The RNC scared the shit out of me. I felt like I was watching a KKK rally without the white sheets, using the bible to inspire hate, where were the buring crosses? Palin scares the shit out of me because so many soccer/hockey/PTA white middle class moms will vote for her because she looks like them. Its sad really, they would forfeit our future for their comfort. A (white, middle class) woman wrote in to a blog that Michelle Obama scares her because she wants to "change American Traditions". I keep wondering where she got tht idea from. I don't think Michelle is trying to steal Xmas or anything. The only American tradition that the Obamas shake is that of white supremacy and a white family in the White house. Its sad, ignorant and extremely dangerous. I'm holding my breath until the elections.

??

daily

??

As frightened as I am of what is happening in our country, I am on a hair trigger at the slightest mention of current affairs. I feel compelled to regale against the political ignorance I'm surrounded by. Whatever happened to the age of Aquarius?

??

All the time. (at least until they change!)

??

Lately, every day. I feel pretty passionate about this particular election. Like, if Mccain/Palin wins, I'll have to take a 4 year vacation.

Otherwise, I talk about it when it comes up. Could be a few times a week, could be none.

??

A lot over dinner, often with friends, and almost never at work.

??

Not very often....usually it is when I want to bitch
an moan...huh, what would it be like to talk about
some of the positive things that the government is
doing? Something for me to think about...

??

As not often as possible. It triggers my self righteousness and my anger.
I am always curious, however, to learn a practice of being inside political dialogues without having to shift into "I'm right and they are idiots." which just makes me feel hung over after.

They are idiots, though.

:)

??

not frequently. I am ashamed by how little I know...

??

More now than ever! Palin's nomination has made this election that much more interesting, and she keeps coming up in conversation. Sometimes the wrong kind of conversation -- I didn't think the constant probing into the personal life was appropriate with Bill Clinton, and I don't think it's appropriate with Palin either. She should stand on and be judged by her record and her experience (although "experience" is a generous description of her political career so far). All the talk about teen pregnancy and working mothers is just a distraction from the real issues. I want her to be exposed for what she truly is - a craven opportunist who champions "diversity" but votes down every single gay rights bill that crosses her desk, claims to support freedom of religion but waves the Bible, and calls herself "pro-life" while she has a "freezer full of wild game."

??

As infrequently as possible. I come from a family of right-wing republicans and we definitely do NOT see eye-to-eye in this arena!

??

If by policics you mean the presidential election, and that sort of stuff, my answer is, "as little as possible considering I live with 2 news junkies."

If by politics you mean power dynamics, I'd say, "a good deal."


??

these days, only when i think of those two little girls travelling the
whole world and telling everyone everywhere that their dad has the
most important job ever!

??

It varies, but at the moment I seem to discuss politics fairly often. Virtually all of the people I'm likely to talk politics with are on the same page as I am. This creates a feeling of safety, but since everyone seems to be in agreement with me, it also makes for a rather limited dialogue.

??

I speak of politics only once or twice a week, but NPR awakens me most mornings. Last Friday, having survived the onslaught of press on the Dem and subsequent Repub conventions and their tireless jingoistic proclaimations about the greatest country that ever has or will exist; I went to the season opener for the SF Opera in hopes of some escape. Two tuxedo clad muckety-mucks stepped walked out onto the stage and spoke of what a great season it would be, thanked the sponsors, urged us to silence our cell phones - and requested we rise for the National Anthem.

I stood and was going to remain silent , when I realized what an opportunity I would miss if I did. Added to my list of lifetime accomplishments is now that truth that I've sung for the SF Opera. After all: they asked.

??

As rarely as possible. It's so full of lies that talking about it is the worst waste of time.

??

every day I think about it and lately i've been wanting to get involved more, to the extent of a career. I am sad when I see the state of the world and know that we here have power to make change simply by voting for a party who doesn't want war. It's so simple. Vote, spread the word.

??

"Politics" as the dynamic between representatives of medium to large populations, or the populations themselves: at least once a week.
"Politics" as the dynamic between individuals or small populations: every day.

??

NEVER! I just can't stand how up in arms people get when you have a different point of view. I change the subject.

??

Not very often. Although I feel I should know more about this subject, I don't feel compelled to expand my knowledge.

??

I'm embarrassed to admit that my girlfriend has asked me to find other conversational source material. She, at least, gets a bit tired of hearing me discuss the topic.

??

Next to never. I don't know enough about it to feel comfortable to discuss it. Plus I don't trust other people's views when it comes to that, so I will remain in ignorant bliss.

??

I prefer to talk about animals wearing lipstick.

Monday, September 1, 2008

Question of the Week (9/01/08)

How does it feel?

Good.

??

It feels like life.

??

Disheartening, frustrating, funny, uncomfortable.Unpredictable, unsettling, agitated. And a little grateful.

??

How it feels is constantly changing....can't pin it down.

Right now it feels just "ok"

??

Pretty good!

??

Painful...but real...

??

It feels real.
scary
fun!
exciting!
weird!
nerve wracking
boring
dull
listless
tiring
overwhelming
loving
loved
sweet
gentle
firm
strong
direct
clear
foggy
fuzzy
strange
fun
fun
fun

??

good.

??

like anything's possible.

??

After two weeks stranded in suburbia, it feels good to be home!

??

I just finished working out. So it feels fairly sore at the moment.

??

It feels amazing.

??

kinda like I swallowed a wooden block
mostly just vague nausea, sometimes a lot
some abdominal discomfort, some upper right quadrant tenderness
could be gall bladder
endoscopy tomorrow

??

Kind of like a really big rubber band snapping against my skin. It would feel a lot worse, if not for the lidocaine injections numbing the area. Bye bye, tattoo. We've had a nice 15 years together.

??

it feels like the world is changing.

??

Good!

??

so very unbelievably good, and warm, and not fuzzy, and real, and true, and foreign.

??

Anti-climactic. Been working nonstop on a project that was delivered/completed last week. No new work lined up. I had been so absorbed by this project that I checked out of my own life. I feel a little lost and disoriented. Exhausted, too, and really disappointed by the conduct of my business associate and friend. I need to find a healthy way to distance myself. That feels yucky.

??

Truthfully? Warm and squishy.

??


It feels new, scary, uncharted, and uncertain but wonderful!

??

How does WHAT feel? My choice? OK - Sobriety: usually great, sometimes a bit frightening when I'm faced with a difficult task.

??


Good, bad and fluctuating. I am glad it changes, otherwise I know I would not enjoy the good feelings with out the bad ones.

??

It feels achey and lonely
anxious at the start of this work week
full of fear
and i do mean full
all swollen up
like a fat lip i once had.
it feels hesitant and not safe
it feels vulnerable
like the worst thing in the world
could happen at any moment.
it is tearful
all of a sudden and out of nowhere
like a wee
little
little girl

??

it feels like a flower just before it blooms;
like a bird just before it sings; like the wind just before it blows.
it feels like the dawn as the sun is about to rise; like a star just before it falls;
like a wave just as it swells and falls upon the shore.
It feels like the rain as it drops from the sky; like the last tired breath of
an old man; like the frightened cry of a young child.
It feels like a heart just at the moment that it breaks.

??

Like I ate too much.

??

Like a dwarf star. And you?

??

about what?

i would love to let you know, if i knew what you were referring to.

??

Crazy, cocky and confused. idk. but will soon get.

??

Well, let's see, my pizza just arrived at Extreme pizza on folsom, brb. Just walked down from The Cat Club. A friend of mine is djing, DJForced Hand. Oh, by the way, I feel great. Started my night at City Beer Store, had a few specials and some awesome cheeses. I feel sooo good!! Best place ever for beer. We stopped at Brainwash for a smoke outside and had some good conversation. ... Almost done with my slice of killer pizza as I write to you on my Blackberry. Damn this pizza rocks. Watching the sports scores now on the flat screen at extreme pizza, damn I feel soooo good. Xoxoxo.

??

And mine...

Pretty good. Very different. A little overwhelming.

Question of the Week (8/24/08)

Now what?

Bedtime, man. Bedtime.

??

I take a break and begin a soul searching process to see if what I am doing is what I really want to be doing. Or probably more likely... if its where I want to be doing it.

??

Clear the blockages.......and get on with it..........and when you hit another blockage, manage it and..........get on with it. Onward Ho!

??

that's a good question.

??

life goes on

??

Jury duty.

??

Muddle through...

??


Now I wait.....patiently and with faith

??

Wow. Amazing timing with this question. That is *exacty* what I have
been asking myself for the past 24 hours. I am ready for some big
changes - both career-wise and relationship-wise. I want to leave an
unhealthy work environment, but am not sure what kind of job to even
start looking for. Same thing with relationships. I'm ready to start
dating, but I am not sure what kind of relationship I am looking for.
So as for *now*, I am practicing sitting in the uncertainty of it all
and trusting there is some Higher Power which will help to lead the
way. And I am pleased to say that I've gotten a lot better at sitting
in uncertainty having had ample opportunity to do just that over the
past several years.

??

Now we just keep on truckin’.

??

I just met a guy I really like. But he lives on the other coast. So I have no idea.

??

Keep moving forward

??

More of the same but using different labels. I am so depressed by McCain's surge in the polls....I could gut myself.

??

YES! Onward and upward!
And INward.

??

savor.

??

work, AA service, then burning man. then open studios.

??

Chicken butt.

??

I don't know!

??

NOW in a courageous move, I begin cosmetology school, and embark on a new career! Prayers welcomed.

??

I don't know

??

keep practicing.

no matter what.

??

Is the book finished, or just the chapter, or merely a page? Turn the page, or select a new book and continue on as before.

In another light, having just spent a wonderful weekend at a 12 Step retreat (subject: a deeper friendship with your Higher Power), more meditation (a struggle for me - always "too busy"). Progress, not perfection.

??


Now
I'll try to be kind, courteous, and loving.
Now
I'll pray for patience
Now
I'll grit my teeth and resist
and now
I'll try not to

??

Now the body begins to break down.

??

Well, it's time for bed but first I must finish checking my email, tidy up a little, then wash diapers, then get ready and go to bed.

??

A new apartment, new ride, new computer, new perspective: let the semester begin.

??

Chill out, get bored, get routine again, get inspired and go climb another mountain.

??

The question implies an existence in the past and future. As always, for me anyway, there is only now.
Now I'm creating my response to this email. I can suggest what the next now will be but there is no certainty
of it and no predisposition for it. I can also recall, to some extent, what the last now entailed. But that memory is already tainted by my recollection process. It is viewed, so to speak, by the lens of now and reflects some element of the values that are important to me now. If I view it again tomorrow, it will look completely different. If I look at it 5 minutes from now it will be changed. It is changing as I write this. I can try to "immortalize" it based on my current situation but that would be something else entirely and would lose any practical relationship to now. "And now for something completely different..."

??

Let's find out together!

??

And mine...

I click send.