Sunday, December 14, 2008

What is your gift? (12/14/08)

It was a watch from Coach, but she said, "I like it, I don't love it," so we exchanged it today for another one.

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My gift is connecting people with books, ideas, thoughts, other
persons, jobs. I am a matchmaker.

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one of many founded on kali and sobriety is meditation, which is described wonderfully by my teacher's teacher here http://www.jikoji.org/Kobun/aspects.html

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I make people laugh

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this I've been told all my life is my gift: a capacity to be present, listen, and engage with people in a way that is extraordinary both in how effortless it is to me and in how deeply reassuring it is to others. I seem to truly "see" people, and often they bask in that seeing.

that, and the man I'm dating says I'm a great kisser. yeeha.

and I can make one of hell of a chocolate cake.

OK so that's three, but I never claimed that brevity was one of my gifts!

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the ability to see in a new way on a daily basis.

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Transmutation.

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Parallel parking
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my experience strength and hope and my ability to
transcend

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perseverance, patience, and resilience that have gotten me through the ugliest of times. those gifts have come in pretty handy.

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Personally, I think my gift is the ability to see all sides of a
situation, and to approach things with a detached sense of humor.
Relatedly, I think the gift of compassion is the greatest gift people
can give, and something that we're all capable of, and I would love to
hone this in myself!

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being alive

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The music in my soul - I got the music in me!

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The one I recieve: coffee in bed with handmade cards

The one I give: my time, my love, my advice (sometimes unwanted)

My gifts are love

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my teacher

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Perception (when I'm conscious).

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helping others to connect to the divine......and being a good listener.

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The one that was given to me is my ability to live some kind of life in each gender, without feeling pressured to stay rooted in one or the other. I may not want to do that the rest of my life, but it's been an eight year vacation so far.

The gift I give is my own understandings about why we go to extremes, if and when we do.

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The crazier the situation, the calmer I am

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Insatiable thirst for knowledge.

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Being here

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The ability to heal sick animals, and my quirky and eccentric art.

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My gift to others is love and respect. for myself, love and life!

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Endurance / stamina. I have an amazing capacity to labor until the job is done and done right.

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My life

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I have a profound and apparently inexhaustible propensity to bullshit eloquently.

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My smart ass answers aren't funny enough so I'll give you the heartfelt one -- a useful life of the spirit. Happy Solstice, all!

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And mine...

Asking.
Seeing blind spots.
Writing on the sidewalk.

Sunday, December 7, 2008

Who do you let hurt you? (12/7/08)

i think nobody except me. I allow myself to hurt me, and when I allow others that is the same thing, really.

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No one

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Aw, dudette, I misread that question. I thought you asked "what" i let hurt me. can i have a redo?

"Who do you let hurt you?":

Whoever's in the mirror when I want to hurt myself.

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people I admire, love or in power with my pay check

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The A-hole drivers out there, that drive with there heads up their ass. They rob me of my serenity. And I usually end up hurting myself more than anyone else. I even almost lost a finger on the table saw! I still haven't forgiven myself for that one.

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My mother. It takes too much time, effort, and anger to try and stop her.

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Me , Myself, and I.

I am unlearning what I learned early in life. I internalized myriad negative messages and then believed the lies and then allowed myself to experience marginalization. Now I am externalizing , exposing, and relinquishing the old messages and converting that energy into a positive force on the planet thru writing, recovery, and telling the truth. Unfortunately, I'm still at the effect of self-harm along the way.

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This week, God.......

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My adult children...I force myself to remain open and available to them. I do have firm boundaries about $ and assistance, but that doesn't stop me from hurting watching them struggle. The serenity prayer helps a lot.

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those i love

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My roller derby teammates. When they hit me hard I'm happy 'cause I know it makes us both better players. I'm proud of my bruises.

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After Prop. 8, no one and nothing ever again.

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Cigarettes, drugs, and easy women

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people from my past. it's hard to reunite with people who knew very different sides and aspects of you and not let old patterns replay, even though in present time it's kind of, well, gone...

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My passivity.

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no one

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boyfriends

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Myself more than anyone else. Self sabotage is a dangerous thing!

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my cat can scratch me and i love her desperately anyway.

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I try very hard not to let anyone hurt me, but you know what they say about the ones you love and love you!

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The nurse who zaps my soon-to-be-former tattoo with a Q-switched YAG laser.
That's pretty much it, at least physically.
I'm working on the emotional piece, but sometimes some pain gets through there too.

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I'm not sure about "letting" anyone hurt me; tho everyone is free to try of they so desire.

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it's not hurt. it's trying harder than hell not to remember.

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Oh gosh, it's all about my frame of mind. In a good one, I'm so objective, I take nothing personally, and I worry only about my own feelings and behavior (even when sometimes they need to be pointed out to me in order for me to know them).

In a bad frame of mind, everything's about me, and everyone can hurt me, everyone can trigger a barrage of doubt and self-loathing.

I'm embarrassed that so many years of therapy, sobriety, studying and working in psychology/psychoanalysis/human development/relationships, and I still can't quite figure out what puts me in a bad frame of mind and what puts me in a good one.

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I'd like to think NO ONE ... but in my heart I know ... anyone who 'wants' to hurt me ... can

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Me. Sad but true. Not mentally, or in a physical way most might think of, but by sabotaging my own goals on becoming a healthier person. I'm working on it, though, and getting better all the time :-).

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Too many people. My vulnerability knows no bounds....

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That which hurts. Trying to protect my true feelings is spiritual suicide.

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The new, the unknown, the not experienced. Isn't pain a lesson one learns from, not to do that again. Makes me think of a quote by Mark Twain, that I paraphrased:

Paraphrasing Twain

A man who
carries a cat

carries it
by the tail
learns a very
valuable lesson

Chances are
he will carry
nary a cat
that way again

But if he wants to
I say let him
it's not easy
to be eccentric

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I'm very careful around the people whom I care about so I give them very little opportunity to hurt me, even if I thought they would. My ex-wife has some of that power left but it wains with each passing year and with every argument we have over what to do about kids, etc. And once the boys are legal age, I don't expect to have much communication with her at all. I really don't like her very much any more and that reduces her power to hurt me. My family of origin lives far away and I rarely hear from them and that, in general, hurts me a little. It seems because I moved away to a different place, I have all of the responsibility of keeping in touch. My parents are dead so they have lost the ability to hurt me.
When it comes down to it, I am the one who hurts myself the worst and the most often. I am incredibly hard on myself on a number of levels. I have convinced myself that I am a social loser and that hurts every aspect of my life. I long for things that I fear I will never have and that hurts me. I seem unable to accept myself for what I am, which others may say is a decent sensitive person. But I shun that and so suffer probably the the worst hurt possible at my own hands.

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And mine...

People with whom I share a lot of love.

What do you hide? (12/1/08)

my hideous consumption of cheddar jack cheez-its

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the answer of the week...

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My shame.

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My true self to people that pay me my pay check

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i hide hiding

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My age, My weight, My.....wait a minute; I'll shut up now. I'm in hiding...

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i don't. i just can't find the right kind of view for whats inside. picture this; your wife is having your first child. suddenly the doctor, a 'scientist', decides that this particular birth isn't necessary relative to his findings. both mother and child die.
now picture having the time capsule that gets you back there, however.
wouldn't you hide that?

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I hide my self deprivation by surrounding myself with lovely things......lovely fragrances, flowers, artwork, antiques, and lovely foods. While the abundance of lovliness is pleasing, it also colludes with my denial.

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my comic book collection from my 3 year-old

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I am quite transparent...albeit selectively. I am careful with whom I share my vulnerabilities. So I guess it's safe to say I hide my insecurities and vulnerabilities from people I don't trust or know well enough to yet confide in. With those close to me, I am slow to admit when depression settles in. The primary characteristic of depression for me today is that I isolate. My communications by email become very clipped. I'm just flat and I lose vigor for life and relationships. I have learned to trudge pretty well, however. And then it gets better (with meds).

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Unfortunately I think I hide my true inner self from a lot of people. It's a safety thing I guess. Probably pretty common these days. But those I'm closest with, I make the effort to let go and just be there.

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My ineptitude.

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On a material level - I inherited my great aunt's engagement ring which has a vvs1 diamond worth about $4400. I treasure it not just because of the value, but because it was given to Aunt Mary by her beloved Harry who was a trumpet player in a swing band. I have this ring well-hidden in my house, although once in awhile I wear it to the local coffeehouse just for goofs. Everyone thinks it's a cubit zirconium.

On a physical level - I have epilepsy, which I very seldom tell people. There is such a stigma against seizure disorders in this country that I have found it's better not to let people know. To tell people is to risk losing jobs, friendships, opportunities of all kinds....

On an emotional level, I hide that I am a survivor of child abuse and neglect. Children of abuse are conditioned by their abusers not to tell anyone what is happening, to keep what is going on a secret no matter what. This conditioning is so intense that it is hard to break, even as an adult. I have also found that society tends to see survivors of abuse as "damaged goods", and I do not wish to be seen that way.

By the way, lest you think my life is depressing...I'm actually very happy and have a great life these days!

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My fat.

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10 Health Problems
9 Age
8 Baldness
7 My disorganization
6 Sexual attraction
5 Wisdom
4 Joy
3 Anger
2 Frustration
1 Sadness

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I couldn't possibly comment

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My shame

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Extreme procrastination. It's a source of deep shame and anguish to me, and I can't convey the depths of it to friends and family even if they want to know about it. It doesn't affect my professional life, so it appears that all's well. As long as I work with other people, I know I'll come through.

If it's my personal life, it's another story. It's what it must be like to be a secret alcoholic. I don't have stacks of newspapers completely filling my house, but I seem to have the mental /psychic equivalent of that condition. Everyone I know has some problem with this issue, so I know I'm not unique. But my abuse of it may be. I'm grateful that I'm not looking at this from my rocking chair in a retirement home. I have a new CD out, and it'll force me to take some action.

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My vulnrability. From God.
And then I don't. And things get better.

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The cat treats.

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wouldn't YOU like to know

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I don't hide anything anymore. I leave it all in the open. If you learn something new, that's good. If you take something, itwasn't really mine to start off with...

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Too much of my true self. There's a fear that I will be rejected if you knew the "real me." I'm getting better at accepting myself. Working the 12 Steps has helped with that a lot, but the old ideas are deeply ingrained and hard to eradicate. I do find, as I get older, I'm less shy about speaking my mind about some things. However, the basic shyness remains.

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not much. I am transparent. you can read my emotions on my face. I wear my distress visibly. sometimes I try to hide my addiction, but even that leaks through. I don't have any secrets. even the things I am deeply ashamed of, are known by many. sometimes I feel raw, exposed, vulnerable, like the whole world knows every detail of me.

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my stomach (I HATE bikinis)
my true feelings, sometimes appropriately, sometimes not
my insecurity and belief that I have failed somehow, some old idea of success in my head

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If I told you, it wouldn't be hidden! Suffice it to say, I have a rock-solid vault with all sorts of things protected.

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I had a face lift. It embarrasses me that I am so superficial and vain.

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My knees

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in the right company, my misery!

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The fact that I'm broke. Because I dress well (cheap vintage, real cheap, just bought a skirt for a penny, seriously) people would never know.

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My love for midget porn

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The fact that, even at my age, I am not comfortable or very successful around women and I still masturbate a lot.

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I hide anything that will make me look bad. I could tell you what those are, but then I would have to hurt you.

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I keep a fair amount of cash (by my standards) inside a book called "The Joy of Signing," so if you break into my apartment, that's what you should look for -- that and my Fender Vibrolux amp, which is behind some suitcases and boxes.

That's all I'll say.

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And mine...

Used to be my cellulite. But now that so many people compliment me on my butt, and they don't see it, I don't pay much attention.

What makes someone credible? (11/23/08)

Deeds.

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Harvard.

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honesty - within themselves.

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A history of truth-telling and body language.

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Someone is credible when their words match their actions. In professional life, education, experience, and training are also important elements to credibility. I wanna know you've walked the walk. Credibility is bolstered by healthy curiosity, asking for clarification, and not simply pontificating. Time in the saddle helps, too. Anyone can be an "instant expert" thanks to the internet. So...time, consistency, and demonstrable knowledge are all important aspects of credibility.

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Look at them in the eyes.

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Honesty. And kindness.

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Excellent common sense
Compassion
Good intention
Big picture thinker
A good mind

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NO lies and a big heart

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Integrity of character.

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What makes someone credible? ... their actions ... what they do and how they do it ... and the consistency with which those actions occur. Credibility comes with time intermixed with continuous displays of consistent actions ... that creates trustworthiness. If all these are consistent with ones intentions ... that person is credible to you.

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a firm handshake and eye contact.

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by the actions they demonstrate. one has credibility by demonstrating their word. show me, don't tell me is my philosophy.......and i'll strive to do the same.

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Bright red lipstick, a happy-happy right-wing attitude, and $150,000 duds from Nemian Marcus and Saks.

Oh wait, that only made the Sarah Palin phenonemen all the more incredible. It didn't add one iota to her credibility.

How about this: humility.

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True transparency. S/he who has nothing to hide hides nothing.

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Follow-through. I go by what a person does, not by what they say

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To gain credibility one must be consistently trust worthy (to trust is to follow through on one's word, to be honest and live life with a sense of integrity which requires an awareness of self and as a result the awareness of actions effecting the relation to others in society.) and secondly, a person has credibility with me if the person is an expert in the Field of a subject. Usually a person with this credibility has the following characteristics which earns my respect: he/she is completely devoted almost like a purists to his/her Field of study/subject/interest. All other interests are a distant second. The person remains teachable with in his/her Field, always open to new information. ex. Like a music writer/critic. who's whole life is devoted to the cultivation of music in every genre, every Field, and the writer's life from the moment the writer was mature enough to understand music had been devoted to the subject of sound and what makes sound produce harmony. He knows every name, every movement, every historical detail both insignificant and profound, he is constantly moving with the times always teachable and open to the flow of sound and it's producers, instruments, vessels and creators, the writer has music down to a science and as a scientist never fully draws a conclusion but offers up evidence for the reader to consider while they make their own hypothesis. if some thing is classic it becomes law to him, he uses his doubt to learn and trace his research objectively and artistically until his piece is molded into gold from hard trial and error and also from sourcing crucial yet vast amounts of information ( following keenly the subject with the air of a person who's reputation and career dependent upon it) for the evidence to his artful conclusion. The most crucial component to the writer's career is his credibility.
Credibility can be fluid. One can be credited with being uncreditable. Every person who's lived long enough to have ownership over baggagge has credibility in some thing. How does your society trust you? What does your society trust you with? What does your people believe about you the way they have faith that the sun will rise again tomorrow?

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The past is always a good indicator of the future.

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1. Looking like they care about their appearance.
2. Acting with confidence -- steady eye contact, easy smile, firm handshake.

These things are superficial, but I think they contribute more to credibility than anything of substance, at least with initial impressions.

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When a person is telling you something that you don't want to hear, it's probably true; it means they're not just another bullshitter feeding you the candy everyone supposedly wants. On the other hand, if someone is raising their voice and passionately lecturing on something, I often imagine that their words are true, but mostly for themselves, so they should just be talking to a mirror instead. Lately I've been noticing that people I initially thought were weird were really pretty cool and they struck me that way because they're very different and have broken out of the mold. They're credible, but only if you let them be themselves and don't project the "shoulds" onto them. I think the most important thing about "credibility" is to realize that everyone has their own way.


Like most amazing things
It's easy to miss and easy to mistake
For when things are really great
It just means everything's in its place

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Their own personal state of sanity.

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consistency

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Being consistent, fair, reasonable, and acting with a slice of empathy. Oh, yeah, don't lie. Ever.

It's kind of ironic that the question this week asks about credibility. My boyfriend was just accused at work of being dishonest - his manager told him that he has "no confidence in [my boyfriend's] honesty." Boyfriend is devastated. He does everything by the book and makes no exceptions.

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Rigorous honesty, even when it's uncomfortable, unpopular, or dangerous. Someone who is true to their word. Someone who is knowledgeable and well informed, and doesn't pretend to know if they don't.

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For me personally, no one is credible unless I have known them for a long time and found them to be an honest and level-headed person. Things that point to a credible person for me are: someone who does not exaggerate situations, who does what they promise to do, who is honest and up front about situations, who has some knowledge or area of expertise that they are not rigid or dogmatic about. With that said, I depend a lot on my heart and my gut to tell me if someone is credible....

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when there's no more juxtapositioning general opinions surrounding said person via others

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Their heart and their willingness to adapt

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their actions. consistency in words and action.

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credible: offering reasonable grounds for being believed.

Since I rarely believe anything I'm told (or these days, any picture I see) the only thing that supports credibility is my own independent research. It I do accept something at face value, it's probably because it is not important enough to me to investigate and appears to have minimal, if any, impact on my life. If someone tells me it does impact my life and I have enough respect for said person's opinion, then I will most likely investigate enough to see what the situation is.

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multiple moments of integrity.

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If I believe them!

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And mine...

I usually use my instincts to discern credibility.

Monday, November 17, 2008

Who do you protect? (11/16/08)

I believe in deep deep surrender and deep deep love.
Protection is the root of the problem.
I will support EVERYONE I love. But I will not protect them.
Ok, if a meteor was coming to hit my step sister, I'd push her out of the way.
Or if a bus was going to hit my mother, I'd... well, probably push her out of the way.
And, ok, if people are being jerks to my friends or family, I will step in and say something.
But a LOT of the time, I think "protection" is a subtle form of codependency.
It is not my job to stop someone else's growth process by "protecting" them from it.
In the Sufi way, they say "What's IN the way IS the way." And I believe it.

But perhaps I misunderstand the question.
Peace and blessings...

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My privacy. Which is silly, cuz I usually blurt out everything compulsively.

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My cat.

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A daddys gurl turned in2 a boy. this boy is starting 2 bcome a man. the man will hopefully b a good father.
=findin common ground

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I protect myself and my boundries daily via prayers for angel protection; one of the things I ask for is to be kept safe from internal and external harm. I also protect others including friends and family via prayer. ultimately, god/ goddess/ universe is the great protector.....but I do ask that my prayers and practice be of benefit to all beings.

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the ones who need it most

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I am very protective over my dogs......very are very protective to me, so where even.

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anyone who lives authentically, door to door. they are the only ones in danger of the world. as fact, danger of leaving the world for the larger pastures. i wish we could all protect this between us. but how do you protect something and set it free at the same time? i protect the little rat inside of me called Jesus.

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My sister ... my nieces/nephews ... my friends ... and most of all, my Yorkies and myself.

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No one, nothing comes to mind. I care for people and things...but "protect" seems an overstatement. I guess I protect my grandbabies from the risks of gravity and ingestion. I try to prepare my step-son for the emotional rigors of middle school. My two adult sons...I can't seem to do anything to protect them from themselves. Kinda like watching a slow motion train wreck sometimes....I don't like it, but I've learned to keep my counsel until they ask for it. I find in trying to "protect" people it's usually from themselves and they usually end up resenting any "help" and villifying or blaming the helper. I had a German Shepherd for 13 years. Now SHE knew how to protect people. I'll leave protecting to the experts.

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My daughter and husband.

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Myself, sometime wisely, sometimes not so wisely.

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my family
newcomers

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I am extremely protective of all those close to me whom I love. This can present a problem of feeling completely useless when something awful happens to someone that you are very close with. This summer I lost a very good friend and room mate in a complete "accident". He was hit by a car while jogging a few blocks from our house. He was taken from me, his family, his dreams, his hopes, his life, and there was nothing I could have done to protect him. It really is screwed up to love someone so much and feel worthless when they are caused harm. What is the use of love so deep if it can't protect them from harm.
"the gods who role the dice,
their hearts as cold as ice -
and someone way down here
loses someone dear...."

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I protect my love, my friends, my family, my privacy, and my rights!

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anonymity

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The Runnicles!

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I had to think about this one. I don't protect myself these days very much: I leave that to my Lord. I am improving my self-protection skills, with is help, every day. I'd love to say I protect my friends from my sharper edges and rougher corners, but I have to give that to my Lord as well :-)

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In the end I protect my two boys the most. Sometimes I think too much. It's the hardest part of being a parent... being willing to let your children make their own mistakes. One thinks they can prevent their offspring from making all the bad choices they made in life and, yet, those choices look different now. They are not easily recognized by someone who grew up a generation ago. I think I'm a pretty hip guy, I keep up with modern culture and fashionable trends on a number of levels. But the whole underculture is something that remains more or less invisible to me, much as it was to my parents who, for the most part, didn't have a clue what I was really up to.
What this all adds up to is the fact that I have to teach them the art of making choices and then open the door and let them go their own way, which they will, one way or another. It brings into hard relief the truth that, in order to protect them, I must be willing to set them free.

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"Whom" do I protect? All the world from bad grammar!

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And mine...

Babies, children, dogs...the vulnerable, the open. If not in act, in prayer.

Tell me a story... (11/10/08)

once upon a time, and then and then and then... until the end (and then i guess i am a better listener than teller is what we just learned)

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My mother had an affair for 10 years with a married man, a handsome, rugged dock-worker with broad shoulders and a beautiful smile. They were still involved when she died of a sudden heart attack at the too-young age of 43. He came to the wake with his wife and six of his eight children. When my four siblings and I saw him, we burst into tears, my older sister sobbing in his arms. At that moment the whole room full of my mother's grieving family and friends figured out what had been going on. Or perhaps they'd known all along.

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This all happened on Cyprus, at the end of July:


Ballad of the Goddess of Paphos


Came to the desert near the sapphire sea
And hills of asphodel
There we heard the taut gut ring
Upon the wooden bell

And old women wail the Cyprian girl
Who rode the oyster shell
But little grey lizards reigned in the ruin
Of her temple on the hill

Grey as these dust shroud stainéd stumps
Grey as this Paphian air
Grey as the ash heap of Adonis’ pyre
Grey as the memory of Myrrha

And we stood in dust before broken stones
Where Cinyras once was throned
With a pomegranate rotting at our feet
And dogs fighting over bones

We’d come there to worship the oyster girl
With obsidian in her hair
But all that we found was the memory of lies
Even the blue sea was bare

But then we climbed into the hills
Above the sapphire seas
Climbed through silver olives twinkling
And dangling carob seeds

Climbed through pomegranate groves
To find the sacred prayer
Climbed through fields of summer grass
As copper as her hair

And when we found the secret stair
We tumbled to a spring
Beneath the twist of ancient fig
Where the old women sing

And genuflect and bless themselves
And dip bony fingers in
The water from an old stone bowl
Forever bubbling

And old men came with jugs and jars
To fill them at the well
So revive passions with draughts of love
For the foam born Celestial

Then innocents danced the shaded stair
Passion blind and writhing
Amid doves moaning cicadas crying
And their own blood's groaning

And they ran to the old green bowl
To drown in passion's water
And wash themselves in tears of love
Tears of the blue sea’s daughter

Then hush as floating down the stair
The goddess Aphrodite
In her boa of sheer pink foam
And oyster shell bikini

With bald gold-chained pot-bellied Hephaestus
And three white Pomeranians
Dancing in circles and skipping like kids
And whining like spoiled children

We found the Goddess alive and well
Beside the wild asphodel
The myth we sought was in the flowers
And its making always ours

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Once upon a time there was a rebellious nation who (though shockingly imperfect in their own conduct) fought desperately for their independence. This nation had a great belief in freedom and held it in the highest regard. This nation protected each individual's right (again, quite imperfectly) to their own beliefs and values.

The founders of this nation believed that freedom was worth risking life and limb. They believed that if their ruler was not upholding freedom and justice, that it was up to each person to protest. They would take to the streets to defend their vision of freedom.

Somewhere along the line, after decades of rulers who were dishonest at best, murderers at worst, the nation started to fall into indifference. As this nation's freedoms and equalities disappeared one by one, its citizens started to believe that freedom was a hopeless cause.

The citizens of the nation truly believed that nothing could be done to change the future and that they were destined to be ruled by people who did not hold their beliefs and wishes sacred. This nation had forgotten its original ideals and began to overflow with cynicism and apathy. It had given up hope.

It was at just this time that a great leader appeared. He was strong, balanced, saw the reality of the nation's problems clearly, but also had a vision for the future. This leader showed the struggling nation that black and white thinking was not a viable option, that things could change for the better, and there was indeed hope for our future.

The nation seized the opportunity to NOT rest into the easy comfort of "the devil we know," to reach out for this leader and more importantly, what his presence at this precise time represented, something completely new and long forgotten - freedom.

A joyous outcome, true, yet the future of the nation remains to be seen. Though its citizens magnificently arose to greet the dawn of a new era of freedom, if things do not fall into their preconceived notions of great leader and great nation, will they fall back into hatred and indifference?

Let us all rise up to greet this new era of freedom. Let us shout equality from the rooftops and not let our leaders forget that they are defending our very lives. Let us take this opportunity to never go back to cynicism and apathy, but to seize the rising sun of freedom, shine brilliantly with hope - and take action!


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Once upon a time there was a little girl named Serena*. She had several brothers and sisters, and her parents worked very hard to feed and clothe such a large family. Serena was the oldest of the girls, and helped her mother a lot with the cooking, cleaning, and child care. Serena was very bright and did well in school. She also loved music and learned to play the piano. People often heard her singing as she went about her daily chores; she loved to sing and had a beautiful voice. However, Serena was very shy and had a difficult time making friends. It took her a long time to form friendships. When Serena grew up and went to college, she no longer lived at home with her family. She HAD to learn to make friends - or be very solitary. She learned how to break out of her shyness, little by little. She eventually learned that a drink at parties made it much easier to dance and talk and have fun. Unfortunately for Serena, that drink turned into many, many drinks. She and her friends would go to the opera and symphony, but they always had a drink or two during the intermissions. Serena almost always nodded off during the final act. Drinking became a necessary evil in Serena's life. Eventually the friendships faded and she drank alone at home every night. So sad. One day Serena "hit bottom" with her drinking and ended up in a 28-day spin-dry place. She learned that drinking was only a cover-up of many things she didn't want to face. She learned to face those issues and to deal with them. She is productive at work during the day and seldom home in the evenings. Life is now full of joy and friends and service. Serena had to travel down a dark path to find the light. *Name changed intentionally.

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Once upon a time, there was a little black girl growing up in the Brewster Project of Detroit, Michegan. At age 15 she was spotted by an Ebony/Fashion Fair talent scout and her modeling career took off. She traveled the world wearing the finest designers. Pucci, Gucci, and Florucci.

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Life Story in 5 words:

genius poet went for laughs.

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That's not really a question, is it?

Anyhow...Once upon a time there were three little girls who went to the Police Academy. And they were each assigned very hazardous duties. But I took them away from all that and now they work for me. My name is Charlie...

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once up, on a time
i did something
something happened
the something kept happening
i waited and waited to do something again
but i knew that i shouldn't
until i could
so i did
while i waited
i watched
what i had done wasn't what was happening
it thought it was god
i knew it wasn't
but i loved it so i didn't want to ruin it
until it almost did
so i did first
that's the second thing i did

i didn't ruin it

i just wait until it stops
it does
it doesn't want to
it still thinks it's god
though it knows it isn't

then i stopped a bullet from entering into my head
and spent two months enjoying the solace
of creating the very chess match i had to 'lose'
knowing that i would only win

the third thing i do is up to all of you

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"HI Heather," the voice said. It was high-pitched and hinted of excitement,young and earnest, a note so many have forgotten. Heather looked up from her book, smiled and waved. The door was open to her shop and would be for a few more hours. No one was inside. The voice ... well, it belonged to a young boy who was gripping his mother's hand, about to be led up past a gate, up the stairs and into his home.
Home. Where he would read about magical lands suffused with dragons and knights and maidens and superheroes, enraptured by their daring deeds.
Work. Where Heather was, immersing herself in a tale from outer space, a tale set in the future, feeling nothing like the present. Lights shone outside - and in - but closer to earth than the words on the page. She flipped and turned the pages as the hours went by ...
The boy's head hit the pillow first. Later in the night went Heather's. They both dreamed contently.
Tomorrow came, as it's wont to do. Heather and the boy walked towards each other on the street. Hellos were exchanged. And then they stopped - the boy resisting his mother's pull, Heather fighting the ticking clock on her wrist. The boy saw Heather garbed in silver, holding a lance. Heather noticed the boy was garbed in a spacesuit, looking to the heavens. For a moment, time froze. They smiled at each other.
And then they went on their way.

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A boy was given to the wrong parents (whether intentionally or by accident isn't verifiable). He thereby was deprived of the trappings, adventures, and experience ordained by the pedigree rooted in his DNA. Instead he led a perplexing then simple life. It was the best thing for everybody.

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And mine...

I'm hearing so many wonderful stories right now, I can't pick just one.

Except:

Once upon a time things were very different and I never thought they'd change. Then they did change.

How do you deal with change? (11/3/08)

kicking and screaming.......

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I keep it in a jar on top of my refrigerator.

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put it into a huge bottle in the kitchen and eventually take it to the bank

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Give it to the homeless guy who hangs out near the corner of Sixth Avenue and West 43rd Streeet.

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Take a deep breath and open my arms to embrace it. Change is normal, status quo is the unreality.

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I jump headlong into it. And breathe.

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I used to freak out. Now that I've realized change is constant I roll with it and quite enjoy it. It brings up quite a few feelings, but those are part of life too.

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Happy that I got it

I put it in my pocket.

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It really depends on whether the change was my idea or not. If it was, then I deal with it with great enthusiasm. If it wasn't my idea, then I deal with it with as much grace and acceptance as I can muster. Only later do I tend to realize that changes I force don't usually go very well. Changes that come into my life without my urging are usually for my greater good.

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With the realization that nothing lasts forever.

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depends on the change....

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slowly

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Depends on change. If it is something big and life changing, I am using accepting and well mannered. If someone moves my shit without asking or they change the lights on my route to work, I get frigging pissed off and start yelling. Seems like it should be reversed sometimes.

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Gracefully and willingly

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don't deal with change. It has a way of dealing with me.

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I am usually pretty good about rolling with the punches. To wit, in the 12+ years I have been with my current company, there have been countless changes. I have had 8 different managers, 15+ coworkers (job specific, not at the company - in that case, closer to 500 including current employees), been through a reorganization, and had numerous jobs added to my position. Through it all, I have remained pretty positive, and I think I've proven over and over that I'm a team player. Which isn't to say I haven't pushed back on occasion when I think things are getting messed up. So far, it's been pretty good.

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Depends on the type of change and if its coming from within. If I feel like change is being imposed on me, I'll disgruntingly follow. If its a change from within, or change that I agree with, I can be really enthusiastic about it.

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Change is categorical It is a condition of matter in motion through space. The one thing you can't change is change. The very idea that we have any effect on anything is delusional.

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Depends on the change. For example, looking forward to January 20th,
but I've never been fond of moving

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i tell change to change because if change changed i wouldn't have to deal with it. that said, i did tell change to change. change changed. it wasn't as great as i thought so i asked changed to stay the same. it did.
ha ha ha hah aha hahaha

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I welcome change... end of story.
Change is what keeps my life challenging and vibrant. There is never a situation that I do not wish to improve and the only way to achieve that is through change. Sometimes that means changing my own behavior and sometimes that means trying to influence someone else to change their behavior. Sometimes it means patiently waiting or sometimes being dynamic (move a muscle, change a thought). Change can be inspiring or it can be completely depressing but hopefully it will never stop being something that I embrace in my life until the end of my days. "The only rule that never changes is that everything changes."

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A combination of acceptance and sugar.

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And mine...

I welcome change in my own life and congratulate people on the new opportunity when it arrives in theirs.

Thoughts/feelings about the election? (10/26/08)

I have decided to keep my feelings about the election and politics as of late to myself.

I really don't need to poke the stick of frustration at myself.

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Honestly, I don't think of this as a blog and I don't really want to discuss politics here.
I like everybody too much.

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You're damned if you do and damned if you don't!

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Inspiring vs. Whiny & Bitter
21st Century Leader vs. Cold War Warrior
Brilliance vs Average
Choice vs Anti-Choice
Steady vs Erratic

How can anyone be undecided?

I voted early and have volunteered at the local Obama office. I've given financial donations. I wear my allegiance on my bumper and my chest (Vote Barack Nov 4 t-shirt). I was one of the first 100,000 donors to Obama...back when he was still exploring a run because he moves me, inspires me, gives me a reason to believe we have the stones to make the hard changes and sacrifices necessary to right this ship called America.

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I'm SO very tired of all the bashing. I'll be glad when its OVER.
I'll be happier if Obama-Biden win!
A woman voting for Palin is like a chicken voting for Col Sanders.

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1. the possibility of an african-american president (and an african-american first lady!) moves me deeply and gives me tremendous hope.

2. that the civil rights of gay people are once again up for a popular vote in Calif (and Fla and Ariz) enrages me.

3. the hope I feel about Obama helps temper the disgust I feel about the tyranny of the majority on gay rights.

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I'm nervous about Prop 8...I just got married last month to my partner of five years and I hope I'll still be married after November 4th.

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It can be summed up by their initials

MP vs OB


and O will win. He has $150 million to spend still. McCain has $35 Million. Game over.

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Constantly. Worry, joy over and over.

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I hold both the Democrats and the Republican Congress responsible for the
catastrophy of the financial markets. All of Congress was complicit in the debacle on Wall St. Its time we jettison the Democratic and Repub. parties in favor of Green/ Libertarian/ Indy Parties.

Our two party system does not work any longer. I say Let the whole thing crumble so a new paradigm of leadership and government may rise from the ashes.

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Last time I tried you wouldn't put it in the email! [This was an oversight which sometimes happens; answers occasionally get lost. I have a strict no-edit policy. I've since apologized to this participant.] I guess its safe now......
Definitly the most important of my time. I'm tired of those "on the fence". As David Sedaris explained its like being offered a chicken dinner or shit with broken glass in it, the people on the fence stop to ask how the chicken is cooked. It usually comes down to covert racism, I just wish we can at least be honest about it and move on as a country.
I've already wriiten letters to local newspapers on my feelings about Palin. I won't even go there, but I can just say that McCain's slogan of "COuntry First" needs serious reconsideration. It was an obvious attempt to get Hillary's voters. Which made me realize how stupid he must think women are.
Oddly enough I think I had much more respect for McCain before the election, although I didn't agree with him. Now I'd be hard put to conjure up basic respect. Its kinda sad to see what this election has done to him. Definitly branded the maverick.
This election has given me hope though. Obama's campaign has definitly energized citizens and for the first time, in my life at least, I felt motivated to be a part of the process. Its kind of like we're being handed a chance to get out country back. We ARE the change we've been waiting for. So god help us if there's another"problem" with the polls on election day because I think this America ain't gonna stand for that! So at least Americans are more INVOLVED, so as far as I'm concerned Obama has already won. His campaign has truly motivated and inspired many Americans.

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When Obama wins, the economy will improve overnight. Remember when Bill Clinton won the first time? His “It’s the Economy, Stupid” focus got him elected, and once in the White House, our “bad economy” seemed to just go away, mainly because we all could just exhale, believing that a smart man was finally at the helm.

Obama shines far brighter than Clinton, as his ego seems to be fully in check. I can only imagine what effect his new presidency will have on our economy. That’s my prediction, anyway.

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scared that Mc Cain/Palin will win. hoping that racisim doesn't keep Obama from getting elected. Worried about Prop 8, worried that it will pass. Hopeful that maybe things could change with this election, but gun shy from the past 2 elections. I will be at the polls voting for Obama, and No on Prop 8 and hope for the best.

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Oh please oh please oh please let Obama win.

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it's a turning point. a big one. but regardless of who wins the biggest test will be how people respond.

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Obama please!

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This should have been asked months earlier to save some people grief.

I am a political junkie, and I have been since 1974. Things are a little bit different now. Elections can be watched a minute at a time now because of the intensely increased rate of communication. Since this one is arguably the most important in decade, a lot of people have fallen in the trap of watching it minute-by-minute, and through this trap has fallen many people who were politically apathetic in the past. Someone was explaining how the Phillies winning the World Series had hurt McCain's chances to me today. (Yikes: eyeballs peeled a quarter of an inch away; what does the forest look like when you eyeball leaves?) I made a decision months ago to back off. I still read my daily paper (The New York Times) and other less frequently published periodicals, but I only took in-depth looks at the election every two weeks, starting in July. For the past three weeks, it has been one week at a time.

I have been able to breathe. I have been able to use my thirty plus years of junkiedom to see past things people have been tearing their hair out about. The only real moments of worry I have had have been caused since July by Bill and Hillary Clinton. I knew exactly who Sarah Palin was and the moment I saw her face as McCain's Vice-Presidential nominee, I told everyone the election was over (although I really think Obama won it with his speech in the Spring about his pastor). And (drumroll) Obama is going to get at least 330 electoral votes (maybe up to 50 more) and win handily. If he wins in Maryland, New Hampshire and Pennsylvania and also the other states he is expected to win, even if he loses Missouri, Indiana, Ohio, Virginia, North Carolina and Florida, he will eke by. It will be a planetary shock if he loses, because he will win a bunch of those states. The Republican Party can cheat their asses off everywhere, but this will not replay 2000.

Let's hope that Sarah Palin really does become the Republican choice in 2012. Far freaking out. That will replay 1964.

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i love how it shows people's true colors. i hate that i've lost a few friends to the dark side.

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given that in 2000 bush co. proved the election process useless, why are we getting geared up for it. if obama isn't elected a silent revolution begins. the only useful use of that office is obama. but as you invest, invest in this:
America has no answer to the 'dream'. Obama does.
it will require America to be black period.
if you want to stay white, vote mcain on back to washington.
if you want to heal the world, write in 'no biden 'cuz ain't no hidin'
and expect that obama show you a whole new way of life.
if you don't expect that, don't vote. he's not here to less than slam.

one week later:

what happened to san francisco?
obama!

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more shall be revealed!

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I feel like a second class citizen I'm not thought of in the candidates - obama might have some compassion for gay people?

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I hate that when I get home from work every day I have between 3 and 8 pre-recorded voice mail messages from various campaigns, urging me to vote this way or that. I delete them without listening to them.

I hate that in my mailbox every day I have ten or more pieces of direct mail with a glamour shot of someone running for School Board or featuring ridiculous scare tactics. "What if you dialed 911 and no one answered? WELL THAT'S WHAT WILL HAPPEN IF YOU VOTE NO ON PROP. 8!!!" (It's almost that bad.) I recycle them without reading them.

I take my voting responsibility seriously. When I want to gather information to help me make up my mind, the last place I want that information to come from is from someone that has such a vested interest in the outcome that they pour money into trying to influence my vote.

Complete waste of money, technology, paper, and my time.

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At first, I thought both candidates suck, and now I think one really sucks more than the other. I hope Obama takes the victory. Then I hope we really change a lot of things in this country, I am surprised how much greed and corruption exists in the government and among the rich. As a middle class homeowner in SF, I feel grateful for what I have, but there are so many things to improve, we can no longer afford to ignore them. I don't think it should fall on one man's shoulder's either. Obama may make some change, but the rest of us have to do our part. It starts in our communities.

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I haven't watched any of the debates b/c they make me too angry. I feel very cynical about politics in this country, i really want Obama to win but it seems like once people become politicians, their morality goes out the window. I don't think that either candidate will bring about they radical change that I think needs to occur for our country to survive, let alone prosper. I just have a sad feeling that America has been ruined and I don't know if we can turn it around. Or if we can if politicians are the ones to do it. Also the amount of money these guys have spent to get elected sickens me.

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There was once an expression floating around saying "If voting changed anything it would be illegal!" I hate falling into that cynicism but I have a strong twinge of it. I'll vote for Obama -- McCain would be an improvement over what is there (though I think the demonization of Bush is misinformed and misled; he's just a schmoe) -- but my hopes for Obama are not high. I hope he surprises me but I need something to go with the fresh face and YesWeCan.

Frankly, I'm afraid we get the representation we deserve. When peoples hearts change then the system will not matter.

See you at the polls!

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And mine...

I've got three political signs up in my house right now. In the windows; Cindy Sheehan for congress and No on 8 (the so-called marriage protection amendment to CA's constitution). And on the wall behind me right now is a beautiful poster of Obama with the simple caption "Hope". I dreamed that Obama got elected and I cried I was so happy.

What would you like us to know about you? (10/19/08)

I've been a QOTW participant for years. Y'all know more about me than most folks. I think what's more on my mind is how much more alike we all are than we are different from one another. The sum total of our differences doesn't come close to our similarities. The desire for love, genuineness, meaningful work, the value (and trials and tribulations) of family and friends in our lives, our secret fears and greatest desires, our vulnerabilities, guilt, fallibility...all pretty much the same. While the scenery and the sound track may vary greatly, the milestones are pretty much the same. WE ARE NOT ALONE.

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I'm fabulous!!!

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I had a baby on Saturday!

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I am a highly competitive, type-A firebrand trapped in the body of a
peace-loving yoga teacher.

OK, I don't *want* you to know that, but now you do.

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as little as possible!

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Over the past 4 years, my smiling face has been pictured on about 125,000 Cheerios boxes.

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I'm a friend of [The Curious].
I like buttermilk straight up by the glass.
I'm seeking the healthy balance.
I like the people that my kids are growing into which is part luck, part parenting and mostly them.
I consider pictures of flowers to be porn and I like my porn.

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I am a 63 year old woman that looks a lot younger (good skin care for decades), a bit heavier than I would like (too sedintary a life-style), 20+ years without cigarettes and booze, intelligent, spiritual, creative, musical (but the younger folks' brand of "music" I find unmusical - I guess that's a typical reaction from someone my age). I still feel like the young woman I was in college, but my body disputes that attitude strongly. Part of what causes the sedintary life-style is the sciatica, arthritis and bulging discs (in 3 places along my spine) now resident in my earthly shell. Young women who know me consider me to be a wise woman. I guess I've reached my "Crone" stage in life.

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Underneath it all, I am just scared.

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You know, I think the best answer to this question is to quote Woody Allen quoting Groucho Marx, "I wouldn't belong to any club that would have me as a member." Yet, having said that, I gotta say, "But we're all Bozos on this bus!"

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I think Kung Fu movies are a grossly underestimated form of entertainment.

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That when I get knocked down, I always get back up again....eventually

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I have a hard time "just being" and I want you to love me anyway.
I'm overly ambitious and I want you to love me anyway.
I am maybe bi-polar, maybe just intense. And want you to love me anyway.
I very badly want you to love me.

And want you to love me anyway.

LOVE,

me

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That I originated on a star planet. I would like to show it to all of you....and maybe I will.....but only when we finally activate our inter-dimensionary potential from our (temporary) earth base station. I am one of the fallen starlets from an explosion that ejected me from there. I dreamt about it one night.....and I believe my dreams.

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i'm about 4 and still sitting on a stairwell. likelihood is that you'll never know me and i have to wake up and walk away somehow from life, no matter what's happened since.

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you probably already know since I tend to compulsively self-disclose. But here goes:

That I am able to help others in ways I cannot yet help myself. That I come alive, at work, and am skilled interpersonally in a way I am not in my friendships or romantic relationships. That I often can't translate the intensity of what I feel in the way I want, and end up feeling tongue tied and inadequate. I am often deeply touched by others and end up feeling foolish when I can't find the words to articulate my thoughts. That I am envious of others, and the qualities they have that I lack. That I feel forgettable, disposable, to the very people I feel a connection with and value. I feel alone in a room full of people. Sometimes I shut the door at work and cry.

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I get scared about the most obscure things. And then it comes out in a weird way.

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That I'm about as open and honest as you'll find!

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I'm proud that I scored a 96% on my written exam and a 100% on my practical exam! Now I'm on to manicures and pedicures.

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i've goals I've not realized

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If you are a regular reader of QOTW, you already know more about me than a great many people. You just don't know who I am and it's not my nature to reveal that information in an anonymous crowd. You've learned that I'm a single father of two boys, I don't drink, I play guitar and write songs. I read a great deal and my spirituality runs toward zen buddhism. I have a checkered and colorful past and I am interested in the mythology of the Old West. I'm lonely a great deal of the time but I'm getting used to it, although I do have a number of close friends. I have finally, for the most part, learned to get more joy from helping others than I get satisfaction from serving myself and that's probably the most significant thing about me.

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That I believe in God though I may have no idea what God Is or Isn't. And that I can wiggle one ear at a time.

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And mine...

You already know so much.

Sunday, October 12, 2008

What was your second chance?

as best as i can put it 'where the rubber meets the scalpel'.

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In junior high and highschool, falling into a crowd of friends that had good values and good parenting. Otherwise my two alcoholic parents and my general lack of motivation, was not a good outlook for a youngster. My group of friends were on the college track and were generally afraid of getting in trouble, so we usually stayed clear of trouble.

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I'm not sure I've had it yet.

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I had a fatal (obviously temporary) reaction to Demerol. My heart and breathing stopped for about 4 minutes. I did not see the light, but I did experience a wonderful respite from all the pain (physical, mental, emotional) that I wasn't even aware I had. What I felt was a wonderful sense of peace, welcome, fullness, expansiveness. My fear of dying has been nearly eliminated. I was at a low point in my life when this happened and turned my life around through the 12 Steps. Nearly 20 years later, I remain grateful for that glimpse into the other side.

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I've had many second chances. But getting sober was my first second chance.....

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I must be fortunate, because I haven't needed one. So I'm holding it in reserve...just in case.

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Actually I feel like virtually every moment is a second chance to be compassionate, forgiving, accepting - if only I remember to see it that way.

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Seeing as how I'm going back to school (AGAIN), I think I'm technically on my third chance. We get, like, seven or eight chances, right?

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Everyday is another chance

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Probably my second divorce? Not planning on doing that M-thing again.

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Probably going on the meds.

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Oh, there have been so many second chances! One doesn't live to the ripe young age of 63 without several of them along the way.

Getting sober was the most important second chance, and I very gratefully didn't let that one slip through me fingers.

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When my company closed after 31 years because of the economy, it's giving me a second chance to do a career that I love! If ya gotta work til you're 75, ya better love it!

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I'm still waiting.

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Gender Change + 12 Step Recovery = Second Chance.........a re-incarnation without having to leave the body.

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Moving onto a farm that turned out to be a cult. Believe it or not, the experience changed/saved my life in so many good ways that I will always be grateful I was a part of it. That being said, I left before it got really bad. I hope the authorities raid it sometime soon and the leader gets sent to jail for some of the things I found out later about what went on while I was there.

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I told her about everything. All the dishonesty. All the mistakes. All the bad decisions. I laid it all on the line and she gave me a second chance. I wish my life were a fairy tale but it didn't end there. Two months later and I blew my second, and last, chance.

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Damn. I've had a lot of them. Three highlights:

#1 With my old therapist, who assured me, "It's your life - you can take it," which made me feel there was at least one thing in my life I could do.

#2 With my first sponsor, who told me, "Of course you're having a spiritual crisis. You've made sex your god." She also kept pointing out when I would repeatedly tell her how fucked up all my romantic relationships were, "It's you."

#3 With my spiritual teacher, who has taught and gven me so much, I can't possibly repeat it all here. However, just the other day, after discovering I set my clock ahead 15 minutes to get myself places on time, she said with a smile and raised eyebrow, "So you lie to yourself."

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The first time around, I let myself be emotionally and physically beaten because I didn't know I could have any say in the matter. Now I have a lot of say in the matter, and instead of feeling beaten, I am being transported to a higher spiritual plane. And for me that comes from intense physical sensation. I love it.

today when i realized i have a second chance at being grateful, slowing down and not having to have everything stat! Thank god, patience surrender. I could watch the people move and not be in a rush. I can taste my food instead of swallowing it whole. I can watch a movie instead of paying bills or being on the internet.

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getting 'opposite sex hormones' and going through 'second puberty.'

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My second chance was a thin lipped, Scottish, research scientist, who knew all the words to the Dean Martin songs I love..."When the moon hits your eye...." Oh my, there is still a tug of the heart strings there. Do you believe there are third chances in life for us?

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Yes. I had received an invitation to work as a rail road person with Union Pacific. I turned it down due to the fact that I wasn't committed to the idea of having a career. I regretted that decision, and hoped to have another chance to apply for the job again. I did, when they invited me to take a test for the position. Needless to say, I failed. Thus, there goes my second chance.

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Once when I was much younger and wilder, I got in a fight with my bosses boyfriend (who was sort of her boss) and quit my job. I was so angry and frustrated I strapped my back pack and a case of beer on the back of my motorcycle and headed off toward North Carolina (from Texas). Almost to Houston, a trucker called me in for doing 90 miles an hour when I passed him and I was pulled over for my one and only DWI arrest. After a couple of days I ended up in the Harris County Jail in Houston which makes "the tombs" in New York look like an NYU mixer. A day later my parents had called an uncle of mine who was a lawyer and partner in a bail bond outfit right across the street from the jail. He picked me up and took me down to his beach house on Galveston Island. We stayed there for the better part of a week. I helped him build a back porch and we went out to a country western dance joint and, yes, drank beer together. He was the very first person who treated me with respect even after I had behaved very badly. I never got that from my parents. I keep him in my life constantly even though we're 2000 miles apart and, divorced from my father's sister, he's not officially part of the family. But he'll always be my favorite uncle.

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The one before my third, fourth, fifth.... I can give you the corny but true recovery story -- my version -- suffice to say every day is a second chance.

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And mine...

After years of immaturity, self-centeredness and emotional dependency, I am learning to be self-sufficient. Along with this comes learning how to love and be loved. Today's second chance, to open up to my sister about my spiritual life and to feel heard and accepted, has left me feeling full of the love and joy I never thought I was allowed to have. I am very grateful to have had a second chance to be a better sister.

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

What if you were a different gender?

Suffice to say I wouldn't care about my reputation.

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I am.

??

Then I would be the kind of man that treated women like his mama taught him, under a single parent house hold in old new york poverty. I would join the navy too young, and get into loads of trouble, having great stories of fool's errands. I would be the kind of man that was a little old fashioned in mannerisms, in love with old music and the kind that would serenade a person under the window at least once. I would be tasteful, well spoken, would consider my words carefully, I would be a lover of women. I would be true but I would also have many loves in one life time. I would be so devoted to women that I would devote time painting the woman form. Or photographing, or just making love to one good woman all the time. I would have good friends from all walks of life. I would finely meet a woman that I would want to grow old with, not out of attraction although that is there too immensely in the beginning, but a woman that had the right heart, and I would make sacrifices for structure and support...and meet the woman in the middle, growing together sharing dreams and tragedies while building at first a home of two. (But because I am a man, it would be far more simple.) I would go through an arrogant youth. I would be infatuated with great thinkers and carry myself with dignity. I would also make tons of mistakes, hurt feelings at times, once or twice make my identity based on my profession, lose my temper, but I would never result to violence. I would be a man with a great sense of humor, and because of this ability to laugh on the side of error, I would have a great life. I would also be handy and take simple joys and pleasures out of every day activities that involved fixing problems. The best man I would be in my entire life time would be the man I would be in old age...from my arrogant world traveling rascallion youth to my romance period, to my maturity and dignity as a husband, father and grandpa, to my death in my suit, I would be the kind of man that had an open mind, but also I would not live so abundantly in my emotions, as I do so much as a woman. I would respect women for their incredible compassion. But I think as a man, I would find myself a provider. I would grow into old age and be the best as an old man, retired and fixing things for my family, taking great joy out of projects and old music, be appalled by my one time beloved NY city, or travel but be happy to be content in my garage and around the long dinner table full of hardy nostalgia, die a slow but not too slow death full of good byes and last meetings at monumental events, looking back at having sacrificed an adventurous life some where with in the confused middle life of falling in love after solitude and the open seas..for simplicity and patience, kindness providing for generation. If I were a man, I would be my grandfather.

??

I would have a difficult time finding clothes!

??

two things that I havent experienced in this lifetime..........child birth (due to lack of uterus and female reproductive system) and bisexuality.........I'm hardwired for men and just can't go there with a woman. But I believe I've experienced all of those things in other lifetimes so I'm OK with skipping the baby thing this time around. I've made peace with my "psychic" womb and transgendered body, so I identify as a "third gender" person.

??

I'd have my tubes tied ASAP!

??

I'd have to fly to Denmark and get the operation.

??

I’m glad I’m female. If I were male, I don’t think I’d like the pressure of not crying, because I cry all the time, over anything…happiness, sadness, cute kids, old ladies, that curiously touching yet manipulative commercial, etc. If I were a guy, I’d have to edit a lot.

??

I often thought I was a gay man in my past life anyhow...

??

As a homo, I already do gender differently by breaking the gender law that says men are supposed to be with women, blah blah blah. But I LOVE being a gender outlaw. I also love being a guy so my initial reaction is that I'd be sad not to be one.

That said, if I was female, I'd like to be like Joan Jett -- tough as nails, as femmy as I want to be, and unapologetic about all of it.

??

i'd make a lot more money for doing the same job.

??

I have a 29 yr. old son who is me in the opposite gender. Doors to amazing opportunities readily open for him. He's made and lost a couple of million this year alone. Because he has so little initial resistance, he often fails to fully appreciate situations. He relies more on charm than ability. His smile wins people over, but the lack of substance has ends up kicking his ass later. I can see my struggles helped me develop personally and professionally. I see how the ease of being a tall, handsome, white man with a great smile and winning personality lubricates life in so many ways...but it does not provide much additional cushion when things fall apart. So...I can see how being a man makes things easier AND harder. I think if I'd been born a man, I'd be a Class A Obnoxious Prick. Being a woman has tempered my inflated sense of worth, so maybe it made me a better person.

??

I wouldn’t be able to be on the Derby, which would SUCK!

??

If there were a third choice, I might consider it.

??

The Marina would become a very, very scary place.

??

That would not be good - way to much T

??

I'd probably take much better care of myself.

??

I'd probably play with my new genitals all day until I got bored with them, then go clothes shopping.

??

I would do dream yoga sleeping on my left side instead of my right.

??

I couldn't pass this one up!!

If I were a different gender I would undoubtedly be a lesbian since I adore women so much!!!

??

I honestly think that life would be easier. Bigger guys dont stick out as much as girls, plus i could piss standing up and not worry about making a mess of myself!

??

I'm sure I was - in a different lifetime. My parents probably expected me to be born male. I am my paternal grandfather's first female descendent. He had 7 sons and 6 grandsons when I arrived. My birth was celebrated by many - finally, a GIRL!!!!!!

??

I am.

??

you wouldn't be. use 'hope' as an example. i aske her if she was a man or a woman. she said 'i don't know' for him.

??

Hopefully, I would be able to feel a living thing growing inside my stomach, or at least I would be sitting down when I pee and whole lot of other differences in biological makeups. On a psychological plane, I would probably communicate more and more often. Perhaps, feel things more. I am sure there are more things that I would experience, but sort of glad I am a guy.

??

I could pee standing

??

As a drag performer, I walk that line quite frequently. My personality would be the same, I'm just a bit meaner! A diva in every sense of the word!

??

well, i know i wouldn't wear heels. i think my problem with codependency would be worse because i would relate even more with my mother in a way i might not have been able to resolve. and i would have a lot of fun with hair and clothes, because i already do, but there would be the possibility of more. i was just at rei the other day and all the fun hiking shoes with cool colors along the sides were women's. i heard myself saying, women get all the good stuff, when are guys going to be less boring??

??

I wouldn't be going through menopause.

??

It wouldn't surprise me. I have thought of myself as a gay man trapped in a woman's body for many years.

??

Well, several responses come to mind. . .
1) I am a different gender.
2) Per last QOTW, I don't think it would make me any sexier.
3) When I was very young I had a yearning to be a little girl sometimes, I'm not sure why and
it was not a feeling that endured past the point when I discovered the experience of being
with little girls.
4) Many of the women my age seem just as frustrated, bitter, sometimes angry, sometimes hopeless,
stuck in their ways and unwilling to trust anymore as I frequently am so I don't really see how it
would make much of a difference at this point in my life.
5) Finally, in the zen way, every being possesses the yin and the yang. It is integral to our make-up and
fundamental in the navigation of the environment we exist in, whatever that may be.

??

If i were female, I would have the most amazing shoe collection ever.

??

I would have been a bad girl.

??

And mine...

I feel somewhat in touch with masculine energy within myself, and consequently don't think I'd be dramatically different in temperament. I would make the most of having straight hips. I would wear very cool shoes. On alternate Thursdays, I'd dress like Shaft.

What makes you sexy?

My glasses.

??

Doing nice things for other people and a few pushups a few times a week. Maybe some crunches too.

??

I have a wonderful memory, but I can't remember that.

??

The people that think I'm sexy.

??

my exotic body......which is comprised of male and female features.......some call it 'the best of both worlds'. Others call it 'one stop shopping'. I like to think of it as a variation of god's work. And my voice.......people often comment on my telephone voice. Especially when I use the 'well modulated professional phone voice' at work. One client who works at Pixar actually said he'd like to use my voice in a production. It hasnt happened yet but I remind him now and again that my voice is available for his movie. I think having an air of mystery is sexy too. I strive to use restraint when first meeting people and take my time to warm up to strangers. I can be cautious to guard against an old pattern of compulsively disclosing myself to others. Mystery and my uniqueness is sexy.
Oh, and I find a spiritually devotional man to be sexy. Ever see a hunk of a man praying in earnest at an altar or in a temple?.....mmmmmm......totally sexy.

??

My energy, and maybe my buitt.

??

I'd like to think vulnerability, but I still think in terms of objectification.

??

Paul Newman eyes ... silver hair ... and a nice smile

??

Humor. And my deep blue bedroom eyes!

??

Sexy? I don't know that I am...sexy. I do believe I am desirable and desiring. Listen, I'm married with a very comfortable, nice, and occasionally hot sex life. My husband says the sexiest thing I do is communicate my desire. It's not about what I wear, it's about how I signal my desire and love for him through touching, kissing, whispering. Lots of casual touches, compliments, and attention. Part of being desirable is in having confidence...so "looks" do come into play for me. Personal hygiene on the part of both partners is important to a great sex life. The playgrounds are kept neat and clean. Sexy to us is freshly showered (or in the shower).

??

my keen investigative brain.

??

times when I can focus on what I have instead of what
I lack.

??

expensive jeans
they make me look like a model even though I'm not

??

certainly confidence, but a pair of red stilettoes tend to do the trick too!

??

Smoke and mirrors...........

??

Hell if I know! I'm 2 weeks away from my 63rd birthday, weigh 60 pound more than I did in my prime, have bulging disks in 3 places in my spine, and arthritis. Life itself doesn't feel very sexy to me anymore. That said, I am glad to be alive. My mind still feels young, despite my years of life experience. I'm sure my life would have been very different, if I'd had the wisdom of my current years, when my body was young and beautiful.

??

My ability to love and be loved!

??

My newly shaved head. I’ve wanted to do it my whole life, and this summer, I did it. (I’m female, and will soon be 50.) What’s so curious is that I don’t know if it LOOKS sexy, but it certainly feels sexy. It’s me. It’s very, very, very me, and to my complete surprise, I feel very, very, very sexy. It’s my new ‘DO, baby!

??

Tango music makes me sexy.

??

a few hits of speed and my teenage memories

??

I changed my mind I don't want to be on this list. It really stresses me out to get things like this sometimes. I know I know, call me Crazy :)

??

Commitment to a spiritual path. Taking care of myself - body, mind, emotions.

??

A nice suit of clothes and a fresh shave of face and head makes me
sexy. Not to mention my blue eyes and full lips.

??

My guitar playing, song writing and poetry seem to be the things that are sexy to women but that's about as
far as it goes. In a one on one situation I just don't seem to come across as sexy anymore. Maybe 15 years of
a marriage and two kids have done that to me, but it's probably just me.

??

my attitude and the fact that i thoroughly enjoy my life, but i keep getting comments about my ass, so maybe people aren't focused on my attitude. oh well.

??

My laugh, my voice, my mind, my imagination.

??

It's the way that I move. The things that I do. Whoahoh.

??

And mine...

Courage.

Sunday, September 21, 2008

What would you rather have said?

No, I will not marry you.

??

you're right

??

I will say a good mental balance and weed, then ur great.

??

Nothing. I usually get myself in hot water.

??

i would rather have said that super cat was a newly guarded angel.

??

"I know I am Amma's baby!"

??

I forgive you...........

??

Your right, I'm wrong, here's your seven pounds, have a wonderful afternoon.

??

You cannot bring that beer into my house asshole

??

what rash?

??

I DON'T.

??

You self aggrandizing mother-fucker. I don't care who you are or what you have. How do you sleep knowing that you treated us that way?

??

Less. Much less, much more often.

??

Come with me.

??

Nothing! Restraint of tonge and pen keeps me out of so much danger, but my ego sometimes gets the better of me.

??

no

??

Not between my legs. That's a hard limit.

??

GO to hell.
Stop being so self fish.
Get over yourself.
Fuck off.

??

Nothing. I should have kept my big mouth shut.

??

Is there anything else you wanted to talk about?

??

It was a phone conversation, and I would have like to have said: “I had no idea that anyone, anywhere, could say anything so cruel, let alone you.” But I was so stung by his words that my eyes welled up and I was shocked into breathless silence.

??

usually, when i think about it, i wish i'd said nothing.

??

Why don't you love me like the other children?

??

I'd rather have said nothing at all - at least not until I had my own
thoughts sorted out. Sometimes silence seems more compassionate than
anything I could say.

??

I wish I had said, "No thank you, I don't want to try any cocaine."

??

Let's take some time to think about it, then maybe we can work it out.

??

I wish I had just said "no"!

??

And mine...

So often when I smile and laugh, that is the best response. Tonight, after I went up the steps from the BART platform, so I could throw away some trash and go right back down to the platform, I participated in the following exchange:

"You were just up there."

"Yes I was."

"Why are you down here?"

That's when I laughed. He was drunk.

Sunday, September 14, 2008

What helps?

Prayer, Expressions of Gratitude, Expressions of Creativity, Boundaries, Action, Asking For Help, Exercising the Body, and Exercising the Right To Change My Mind!..........oh and always and forever....SLEEP! AND HELPING OTHERS / SERVICE

??

Pausing.

??

what helps is knowing that somewhere, way above the sky, i'm staring down at myself and wondering when i'll finally figure it out.

??

Prayer....talking with a friend....a nap......peanut butter...

??

A good night's sleep
20 minutes in the hot tub
A genuinely nutritious meal
Cuddle time with husband man
Seeing and interacting with my grandbabies
Hot sweaty exercise (to include sex)
Time in the mountains or on the beach (isolated one)
In really tough times, horseback riding is my best medicine.

??

Sleep

??

breathing, taking time,not spinning

??

This helps:

1. Putting ice directly on it as soon as you can
2. Psychotherapy
3. Turning the heat down just before you put the turkey in the frying pan
4. Voting for Obama

To deal with:
1. A black eye
2. Grief
3. Breaded and fried turkey cutlets
4. The trainwreck of our economy after 8 years of Bush

??

caffeine.

??

Acceptance, baby steps, exercise, meditation, coffee.

??

Time and sex and there's never enough of either.

??

More sleep
Yoga in the morning
Cooking all meals at home
Being ultra thrifty
Hiking/running
Music
Gardening
Cooperative children
Appreciation
Humor
Friendships
Being content/grateful for what you have

??

turning it over...and over, and over, and over....

??

sleep, hugs, love and a good listener

??

Hearing "Thank You" ... that helps

??

snuggling, sex, chocolate, ice cream, cheap mexican food, breathing, sleep, dreaming, beauty, music, praying, meetings, art, writing, san francisco, friends, exes, good food, battlestar galactica, heroes, my new apt, biking, talking about snowboarding, tattoos, talking about my next tattoo, skin, hair, clothes, the studio, work in a sense, the internet unfortunately....

??

sleep, chocolate, smoking, internet, meetings, friends, new anything etc... indulging in all and more due to recent obsession and unanticipated romantic pain.

??

The love of my partner, mother, and a pint of Chubby hubby ice cream.

??

A hot bubble bath, a good cry, a funny movie, conversation with someone who really cares, and when all else fails, the steps.......

??

When I need guidance, I take a breath and ask myself yes or no questions. If I get a calm, simple 'yes' or 'no' right away with no explanation, that is always the right answer. When I don't get a clear answer or the answer seems hurried and fear-based ('yes, you have to do this or else...', etc.), I ask a different question or re-ask the question in different words. Someone taught me this a few years ago and now I don't know how I got by so many years without it.

??

Love

??

you do

??

chocolate milk

deep breath

sex

putting yourself out there with confidence and kindness and humility and pride.

??

Talking to a friend, kitty love, prayer, working out, a cathartic beating from a loved one, and my teddy bear.

??

Honesty. Laugh, cry, bluster or be quiet as needed.

??

asking, kindness, vitamins, dental floss, antibiotic ointment, band-aids, the Red Cross, Amnesty International, Habitat for Humanity et al., getting enough sleep, money, lipstick, good music, good art, laughter, mosturizer, hot tubs, sleepytime tea, chocolate, peace,friends and family

??

Heat
Stretching
Breathing
Sleep
(and occasionally Aleve
or bourbon)

??

Maintaining my daily routine of self-care--eating meals on time, eating appropriately, getting enough sleep, prayer, meditation, chanting my mantra, yoga, meetings, service, writing.

??

Breathing through my vagina.

??

ASKING. ACCEPTING. HELPING OTHERS.

??

Staying focused and remembering always that I am loved as much as I love others.
Playing guitar and riding my Harley are also nice and benevolent distractions.

??

Sensible shoes.

??

And mine...

Laughing at myself; knowing what I am here to do (love and be of service); cuddling with an ex; trying to make the front of my face vibrate when I sing

How often do you talk about politics?

(Question of the Week 9/7/08)

Very rarely. When I express an opinion different from those of others, all I get is a lot of anger directed at me. I'm all for differing opinions, and I'm not going to become upset and start yelling at someone who feels differently than I. But I don't get the same respect in return, so I prefer not to say anything at all. I don't mind a respectful debate, but when someone refuses to listen to my side, after I've heard theirs, why would I want to bother?

??

With the exception of the following paragraph, I talk about politics about once every 4 years. I utter maybe one sentence about my views and then I , generally, ask a few (no more than 3) questions as to why someone likes/ dislikes a particular candidate. I am not really interested in discussions about our nation's 2 party system that overlooks the issues most dear to my heart (uh, can we say civil rights for all!?). I always vote but cannot be bothered to discuss a topic that I consider fodder for the masses. Discussing politics is disruptive to my nervous system. The way I lead my life and the integrity I strive to demonstrate is my greatest political statement. Most matters of politics and world affairs I discuss privately with god in my prayers & meditations. Peace to all living things.

??

Not as much as I'd like. I don't discuss politics too much with my
friends, because while I do enjoy a good political debate, I hate to
argue too much and I'm afraid of alienating people. I know my friends'
views and they know mine. We share our feelings on politics
occasionally, but we never try to sell a candidate or a ballot
proposal to each other.

I don't talk about politics much with the love of my life because he's
pretty apathetic. I'm thinking he'll care more when the fact that, as
two men, we aren't equal in the eyes of the law to, say, my parents,
really hits him. We'll see though. I could see it either way, maybe we
get married and he doesn't care because really all that matters is
that we have each other, or maybe we get married and he gets really
pissed at the status quo.

??

just about everyday

??

Very little......I find it very personal and can't deal with some of the drama it can evoke...

??

Pretty frequently these days. Not constantly but many conversations every day.

??

Every single day...several times a day. I live in the DC area. It's what we do.

??

I can't stop myself. I'm not obsessed, but the current election is just so vitally important that I'm compelled to talk about it frequently, several times a day usually.

??

I talk about it more than ever since one roommate is voting for McCain just to be a jerk and the other simply "can't see the difference between the two".

??

lately, several times a day.

??

everything is political. So, I guess that means my answer is, "everytime i speak!"

??

As seldom as is humanely possible, given the times. Usually, when someone mentions the word "politic" (or some variant), I check my pockets to see who is trying to pick them. But given the precarious state of the world, and the political choice before us, I find myself more engaged politically than is my wont. Deep down I believe that all politicians are tranvestite whores (and for that I apologize to the geniuine transvestite whores of the world).

??

ALOT! I recently started writing letters to my local NYC newspaper and they've printed two. I'm just about to write another one as well! Its hard when people you love don't agree with you politically, especially because they vote with emotion for the familiar without checking out the facts about candidates. Which just pisses me off. With so much at stake its not a time to get nostalgic, its time to really THINK about what the future of the country should look like. Palin would have us back in the dark ages as all the other industrialized countries move into the future. The RNC scared the shit out of me. I felt like I was watching a KKK rally without the white sheets, using the bible to inspire hate, where were the buring crosses? Palin scares the shit out of me because so many soccer/hockey/PTA white middle class moms will vote for her because she looks like them. Its sad really, they would forfeit our future for their comfort. A (white, middle class) woman wrote in to a blog that Michelle Obama scares her because she wants to "change American Traditions". I keep wondering where she got tht idea from. I don't think Michelle is trying to steal Xmas or anything. The only American tradition that the Obamas shake is that of white supremacy and a white family in the White house. Its sad, ignorant and extremely dangerous. I'm holding my breath until the elections.

??

daily

??

As frightened as I am of what is happening in our country, I am on a hair trigger at the slightest mention of current affairs. I feel compelled to regale against the political ignorance I'm surrounded by. Whatever happened to the age of Aquarius?

??

All the time. (at least until they change!)

??

Lately, every day. I feel pretty passionate about this particular election. Like, if Mccain/Palin wins, I'll have to take a 4 year vacation.

Otherwise, I talk about it when it comes up. Could be a few times a week, could be none.

??

A lot over dinner, often with friends, and almost never at work.

??

Not very often....usually it is when I want to bitch
an moan...huh, what would it be like to talk about
some of the positive things that the government is
doing? Something for me to think about...

??

As not often as possible. It triggers my self righteousness and my anger.
I am always curious, however, to learn a practice of being inside political dialogues without having to shift into "I'm right and they are idiots." which just makes me feel hung over after.

They are idiots, though.

:)

??

not frequently. I am ashamed by how little I know...

??

More now than ever! Palin's nomination has made this election that much more interesting, and she keeps coming up in conversation. Sometimes the wrong kind of conversation -- I didn't think the constant probing into the personal life was appropriate with Bill Clinton, and I don't think it's appropriate with Palin either. She should stand on and be judged by her record and her experience (although "experience" is a generous description of her political career so far). All the talk about teen pregnancy and working mothers is just a distraction from the real issues. I want her to be exposed for what she truly is - a craven opportunist who champions "diversity" but votes down every single gay rights bill that crosses her desk, claims to support freedom of religion but waves the Bible, and calls herself "pro-life" while she has a "freezer full of wild game."

??

As infrequently as possible. I come from a family of right-wing republicans and we definitely do NOT see eye-to-eye in this arena!

??

If by policics you mean the presidential election, and that sort of stuff, my answer is, "as little as possible considering I live with 2 news junkies."

If by politics you mean power dynamics, I'd say, "a good deal."


??

these days, only when i think of those two little girls travelling the
whole world and telling everyone everywhere that their dad has the
most important job ever!

??

It varies, but at the moment I seem to discuss politics fairly often. Virtually all of the people I'm likely to talk politics with are on the same page as I am. This creates a feeling of safety, but since everyone seems to be in agreement with me, it also makes for a rather limited dialogue.

??

I speak of politics only once or twice a week, but NPR awakens me most mornings. Last Friday, having survived the onslaught of press on the Dem and subsequent Repub conventions and their tireless jingoistic proclaimations about the greatest country that ever has or will exist; I went to the season opener for the SF Opera in hopes of some escape. Two tuxedo clad muckety-mucks stepped walked out onto the stage and spoke of what a great season it would be, thanked the sponsors, urged us to silence our cell phones - and requested we rise for the National Anthem.

I stood and was going to remain silent , when I realized what an opportunity I would miss if I did. Added to my list of lifetime accomplishments is now that truth that I've sung for the SF Opera. After all: they asked.

??

As rarely as possible. It's so full of lies that talking about it is the worst waste of time.

??

every day I think about it and lately i've been wanting to get involved more, to the extent of a career. I am sad when I see the state of the world and know that we here have power to make change simply by voting for a party who doesn't want war. It's so simple. Vote, spread the word.

??

"Politics" as the dynamic between representatives of medium to large populations, or the populations themselves: at least once a week.
"Politics" as the dynamic between individuals or small populations: every day.

??

NEVER! I just can't stand how up in arms people get when you have a different point of view. I change the subject.

??

Not very often. Although I feel I should know more about this subject, I don't feel compelled to expand my knowledge.

??

I'm embarrassed to admit that my girlfriend has asked me to find other conversational source material. She, at least, gets a bit tired of hearing me discuss the topic.

??

Next to never. I don't know enough about it to feel comfortable to discuss it. Plus I don't trust other people's views when it comes to that, so I will remain in ignorant bliss.

??

I prefer to talk about animals wearing lipstick.