What are your insecurities? (3/30/09)

I'm not pretty enough, worthy enough, not enough time, not a good mom, will never find peace..more?

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where do i begin....I am insecure about not having a college degree (though I'm on the path to completing one); insecure about what men think of me; insecure about my working class family origins; insecure about my intellect and ability to create the life I want; economically insecure and presently have anxiety about future economic hardships; insecure about my gender hybrid body (though I might bare it at Harbin); insecure about all of the unknowns for my life, my community, this nation, and the planet.....glad I'm secure
in the knowledge of impermanence.

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I should own a house on Belvedere Street, but I rent an apartment on Alma Street.

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I am insecure about my intellect, my sexuality, my abilities, my knowledge, my education, my capacity to love, and most of all my belief that I can overcome these.

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I used to be more in shape, that sort of bugs me sometimes. Sometimes at parties, I don't really feel as funny as other people.

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the big ones are that I am un-lovable, that I will fail at all the important things, and that without kids, a family, I am incomplete. that people might not like me and somehow this is a bad thing. that I am not going to make it.

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We don't have the time to review them all.......

But, at this moment. My weight, and that I am unloveable.....

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The future of my job makes me feel insecure.. Everything else in my life is cool, but who can be certain their job will be there next month or next year. Makes it had to plan your finances!

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My relationship.

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I must be in denial as no insecurities are coming to mind. Or maybe I have integrated them and made peace with them. I had one major insecurity about my appearance, grotesquely stretched skin on my abdomen after giving birth to very large babies. I had a tummy tuck last year and fervently wish I could have afforded to do it 20 years ago. My body is far from perfect and I'm ok with that...but now it all "matches." I'm in a very stable, loving marriage so emotionally I'm on solid footing. Work is work...it comes and goes. Financially, we're in better shape than a lot of folks but one lay off away from tanking. So...I choose to focus on what we have and not get caught up in the "what ifs" emotionally. So, I'm not financially insecure...at the moment...and grateful for it.

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My weight.

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I would say speaking and physical strength are my two biggest insecurities - not debilitating by any stretch but yeah, not "comfortable" with either at times.

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I am insecure of not being enough to other people.

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They are legion! And enumerating them only serves to make them more real.

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i have a fear that is convinced that all it is is fear. it makes me prone to awkward behavior, the kind and like of which tend to be magnetic. my insecurity is that, Ultimately, I have no fear. so, what happens to the magnet and those therein. i wish i had more security for it.

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That I bother people. That no one really cares about me except my husband. That I will die old and alone. That the people I love don't care about me as much as I care about them. That I will never stop having problems with debt and money. That I am really rather stupid and people are too kind to tell me. That I'm not a very talented artist. The list goes on and on. Sigh.

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And mine...

That this wonderful project, which deserves to be a book, will never be so because I just can't get it together.